Since Boet’s birth I have always wanted to start writing blogs and raise awareness for all sorts of things; prematurity, chronic lung disease of prematurity, family life and NICU life and than after Boet’s passing you get all the things grief, loss and love so much love. Because love has been the only thing that has always been there, the constant. Throughout the good, the bad and the ugly the five of us are always connected through love wherever we are.
But when you want to start writing it is hard, where do you begin? There is so much to say, so much to do and so much that needs change.
So, I start with today, today is a milestone in our family as Eef has started school. It’s a big milestone, a milestone that as a parent you will probably never forget. The new school kids are supposed to be nervous and excited; mums are supposed to cry when they leave their kids behind at school and older siblings are supposed to step up to help their younger siblings settle in at school. But for families like us it involves so much more than just this. There are the chats with Eef yesterday when she asked me if she could bring Boet and show him her classroom, there is the talks of how we include Boet in this milestone, there is a sad Eef who misses Boet and doesn’t want to leave home without him. Yes, Eef was so so so excited and ready to go but there is also this other side often invisible to everyone around us.
Quite often people think we are missing the time we spent with Boet, the memories we were able to make and the milestones we celebrated with him and of course all of that is true but what we miss more is having him with us in the now. In the picture I took of Caat and Eef this morning we miss a messy toddler, we miss him on the bike to school with us this morning and we miss him giving his big sister a sloppy good luck kiss. Just to name a few examples. Cause Boet and Eef adore each other. Of course, by talking about him and having a few tangible things with us in everyday life, he is with us at some level and that is amazing and sweet. But nothing would beat having a messy toddler in a picture with his big sisters, as that is where our three children should have been. Together.
Today, I am also thinking of all those families who should have celebrated one of these milestones with their babies but cannot. we are not there yet but I cannot imagine what you are going through. From our family to yours, we are sending strength, light, and love. This day will be hard but like many hard days, you will survive this one as well.